Why saying YES is killing your projects
How saying 'no' can save your next project
The ability to make effective decisions and negotiate successfully can be the difference between project success and failure.
By using Jim Camp's negotiation approach in "Start With No", and using the power of "no", you'll be able to move away from the rushed "win-win" compromises and get better outcomes.
If you’re in a rush, here are the key takeaways (Go to the bottom of the page to get an implementation checklist as well)
Key Takeaways
Effective negotiation is important for software development success: The ability to make good decisions under pressure differentiates successful teams from unsuccessful ones.
The "win-win" mindset often leads to poor outcomes: Rushing to agreement creates technical debt and unrealistic commitments.
Being willing to say "no" strengthens your position: It reduces neediness and creates space for better solutions.
Inviting others to say "no" lowers defenses: It encourages more honest communication and sustainable agreements.
Focus on behavior, not results: Concentrate on making good decisions rather than specific outcomes.
Understand the other party's needs: Solutions that address core needs create lasting agreements.
Start With No
"Start With No" is an approach that goes against traditional ‘negotiation wisdom’ by making rejection into a positive starting point.
Rather than looking for a fast agreement, you need to focus on building mutual understanding and respect through:
Strategic rejection: Using "no" as a tool to reset conversations and expectations
Emotional control: Maintaining composure and avoiding reactive decisions (important)
Decision rights: Making it okay for both parties to decline without damaging relationships
Value discovery: Understanding the true needs and motivations of each other
Pressure removal: Removing unnecessary and sometimes made-up urgency from negotiations
Why decision-making is important
Cost of poor decision-making
When software teams make poor decisions or accept unfavorable terms, the consequences ripple throughout the whole company:
Technical debt accumulation: Rushed agreements with the product team lead to cutting corners.
Developer burnout: Consistently overcommitting will make you burnout
Feature creep: Inability to say "no" results in products with unnecessary features
Missed deadlines: Overly optimistic estimates lead to chronic delays
Quality issues: Compressed testing cycles due to schedule pressure increase defect rates
Research from the Standish Group shows that 66% of software projects either fail completely or face significant challenges. A key factor in these failures is the tendency to agree to unrealistic timelines and scope.
The role of effective negotiation
Effective negotiation skills are important at every level of software development:
Developers must negotiate task priorities and timeline estimates
Tech leads must balance technical excellence with business needs
Engineering managers must advocate for their teams and meet organizational goals at the same time
Product managers must negotiate feature scope with stakeholders and development teams
The "Start with No" framework provides an approach to these negotiations to help software professionals make better decisions that lead to better outcomes.
Core principles of the 'No' technique
Camp's framework goes against the traditional "win-win" negotiation approach, which often leads to rushed compromises where one party concedes too much. Instead, with "Start with No" you start with:
Saying "no" when necessary: Being willing to decline unreasonable requests
Inviting "no" from others: Making it easy for others to say no, but making it a safe, rejection-full, environment
Focusing on behavior, not results: Concentrating on what you can control and avoid what you can't
Eliminating neediness: Recognizing when you're making decisions from a position of need and avoiding making these decision from that position.
Understanding the other party's needs: Finding solutions that address their core issues
Building the decision-making muscle
Like any skill, effective decision-making and negotiation improve with practice and time:
Start with low-stakes decisions to develop comfort with saying "no".
Look for times in your life when you tend to say yes, even though you are not 100% sure, and just say no. Build that muscle.
If you need, create scripts for common scenarios where you know you tend to say yes.
One more good tactic, that can work for some, is role-play.
Get a friend or a family member to role play a situation in which you want to say yes, but you'll say no.
Implementation in projects example - Sprint planning
The sprint planning meeting is a perfect opportunity to apply the "Start with No" technique:
1. Ask team members to decline work they can't complete.
"It's okay to say no to this story if you don't think it fits in the sprint."
"Please speak up if you have concerns about completing this task within our timeframe."
2. Question assumptions about story complexity
"What have we missed in our understanding of this task?"
"Are there hidden dependencies or challenges we haven't discussed yet?"
3. Eliminate emotional pressure to commit
"We're not trying to hit an arbitrary target. we're trying to make reliable commitments."
"Quality work within our capacity is better than overcommitting and delivering late."
4. Focus on the team's needs
"What would make this sprint successful for the team?"
"How can we structure this sprint to help everyone work efficiently and sustainably?"
Common Challenges
Implementing the "Start with No" approach may face resistance:
Cultural expectation of "yes": Many organizations reward agreeableness over effectiveness and many employees will expect that.
Fear of conflict: Team members may avoid saying "no" to prevent confrontation
Pressure from authority: Manager expectations can override good decision processes
Lack of practice: Teams need time to develop new negotiation skills
Address these challenges through open and honest discussions, leadership support, and consistent practice.
Implementation Checklist
Here’s a list you can use to implement everything here in your life and job.
Seems packed with valuable negotiation tips! Just added it to my 'to-read' list. Thank you for sharing 🙏