I struggled a lot with ruinous empathy. It's a common trap for Brazilians 😬. We sugar-coat by nature, with everyone. It was a challenge journey and sometimes it still is. Working with people from completely different cultures makes it a surprise. Sometimes you think you're direct enough and then realize people didn't see as a big deal.
The Culture Map helped me a lot with it.
With direct reports I like to adopt the coaching approach (even more when we are still knowing each other). Asking questions helps people to reflect about what happened. And it was surprisingly to discover how often they acknowledge areas for improvement. In those cases, what I usually do in the end is summarizing what we just talked, ensure the impact and expectations are clear, and offer support.
I like it because besides making things easier for me, it also promotes self awareness.
Yeah, the cultural difference can be profound! In our company we have Israelis, Brazilians and Americans, and it can be tough to navigate the nuances :)
That’s a great method - it is much more powerful when the realization comes from them. I usually go with the SBI method - situation, behavior, impact. This helps it feel less personal.
I started in a new team this week. We are 8 people (including me), and no one shares the same nationality. Surprisingly I never worked with people from those 7 countries, even it I've been working with international teams for a while.
As a manager one thing I learned in such situations is paying even more attention on relationships between team members from different cultures. Also how people from underrepresented groups fits in. Not because people are mean, but a lot of things might seem "normal" or "not a big deal", but they are enough for some people feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
A simple example that became already a joke 😬. Brazilians are often late, arriving 5 minutes in a meeting for some cultures is disrespectful. For Brazilians, well... Unfortunately normal.
Wow, I’ve never heard of such a diverse team 😅 that’s definitely a material for your newsletter! I would love to hear the story of managing such a team.
Regarding Brazilians and punctuality - yeah, I hate that 🙃 it’s not only meetings, it’s also a disregard for deadline. Everything is more chill, which can be very annoying to other cultures
Mar 8·edited Mar 9Liked by Orel Zilberman, Anton Zaides
Great book! One of the few we recommended to new managers at Yelp. I definitely struggle with ruinous empathy :). Being kind beats being nice, every time.
Sometimes I feel that managers try to give an indirect feedback which will strike you after sometime. Communicating in a group setting is obviously different and one can be indirect there but one-to-one feedback must be direct and without sugar coating.
It's not easy! I've always been on the challenging side because I cared. When I cared too much, I took things personally, which was a mistake.
But it turns out I wasn't wrong that I cared; I just had to phrase things differently and consider that we're similar yet different in how we work and see things. Baking a little bit of empathy into my managing/leadership style definitely improved things for the better!
I struggled a lot with ruinous empathy. It's a common trap for Brazilians 😬. We sugar-coat by nature, with everyone. It was a challenge journey and sometimes it still is. Working with people from completely different cultures makes it a surprise. Sometimes you think you're direct enough and then realize people didn't see as a big deal.
The Culture Map helped me a lot with it.
With direct reports I like to adopt the coaching approach (even more when we are still knowing each other). Asking questions helps people to reflect about what happened. And it was surprisingly to discover how often they acknowledge areas for improvement. In those cases, what I usually do in the end is summarizing what we just talked, ensure the impact and expectations are clear, and offer support.
I like it because besides making things easier for me, it also promotes self awareness.
Yeah, the cultural difference can be profound! In our company we have Israelis, Brazilians and Americans, and it can be tough to navigate the nuances :)
That’s a great method - it is much more powerful when the realization comes from them. I usually go with the SBI method - situation, behavior, impact. This helps it feel less personal.
SBI is my go-to at work and home, so far seems to work in most situations!
I started in a new team this week. We are 8 people (including me), and no one shares the same nationality. Surprisingly I never worked with people from those 7 countries, even it I've been working with international teams for a while.
As a manager one thing I learned in such situations is paying even more attention on relationships between team members from different cultures. Also how people from underrepresented groups fits in. Not because people are mean, but a lot of things might seem "normal" or "not a big deal", but they are enough for some people feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
A simple example that became already a joke 😬. Brazilians are often late, arriving 5 minutes in a meeting for some cultures is disrespectful. For Brazilians, well... Unfortunately normal.
First of all, good luck! :)
Wow, I’ve never heard of such a diverse team 😅 that’s definitely a material for your newsletter! I would love to hear the story of managing such a team.
Regarding Brazilians and punctuality - yeah, I hate that 🙃 it’s not only meetings, it’s also a disregard for deadline. Everything is more chill, which can be very annoying to other cultures
I have the book on my to-read list this year. Very much looking forward to it
Definitely! You will not regret it :)
Great book! One of the few we recommended to new managers at Yelp. I definitely struggle with ruinous empathy :). Being kind beats being nice, every time.
It’s the single I want I think a MUST read for every new manager :)
Not sure I got the last sentence
Oooooops, typo! Fixed it*
And I agree, radical candor is a must!
Sometimes I feel that managers try to give an indirect feedback which will strike you after sometime. Communicating in a group setting is obviously different and one can be indirect there but one-to-one feedback must be direct and without sugar coating.
Sometimes that indirect feedback, that is supposed to strike after a while just never strikes..
I hate it, to be honest.
It's not easy! I've always been on the challenging side because I cared. When I cared too much, I took things personally, which was a mistake.
But it turns out I wasn't wrong that I cared; I just had to phrase things differently and consider that we're similar yet different in how we work and see things. Baking a little bit of empathy into my managing/leadership style definitely improved things for the better!
It is definitely hard, and takes on going work. It also very depends on the person you manage, and requires constant adjustments.